Finding a birth child using DNA is harder than finding a birth parent. If the child isn't looking for you, there's not much that you can do.

Fortunately, many children are looking for their birth parents. That makes your role simple. You need to make it as easy as possible for your child to find you.

(If you are a child looking for a birth parent, see instead Finding a birth parent using DNA, a step by step guide)

Get your DNA tested

You can't know where your child will start looking, so you should get your DNA tested on as many sites as possible:

• AncestryDNA - costs
• 23andMe - costs
• FamilyTreeDNA - FREE(*)
• MyHeritage - FREE(*)
• GEDmatch - FREE(*)
• Geneanet - FREE(*)

Ancestry and 23andMe are closed sites. The only way you can get your DNA onto their site is to pay them to get tested. The other sites accept free transfers once you've tested anywhere else. So you should get yourself tested on either Ancestry or 23andMe, then transfer those results to the other sites.

Ideally, you should get yourself tested at both Ancestry and 23andMe. If you get tested on one, and your child gets tested on the other, you'll never find each other. It's definitely worth getting tested at both sites.

If money is a concern, you can watch for sales. Both Ancestry and 23andMe traditionally have very good sales at the end of November in conjunction with the American Thanksgiving holiday and leading into the gift-giving season. Ancestry also tends to have lots of other sales during the year, often timed to match up with various family-related holidays sych as Valentines Day, St. Patrick's Day, Mother's Day, etc. Amazon will usually meet their sale prices, so you can get free shipping if you order from Amazon instead of from their websites. It's the same test; doesn't matter where you get it.

Once you get the test, follow their instructions to spit in the tube and mail it back. Your test results will be available online in about a month.

Look at your DNA matches

When you get your DNA results the Ancestry or 23andMe website will give you a list of shared matches. The best result is if your child has already tested.

If the top of your list has a match labeled as parent/child, then STOP. Take a screenshot IMMEDIATELY. You don't want to lose that information, no matter what.

(A parent and a child will both share half of your DNA. There's no way for the testing company to tell the difference between your parent and your child simply by looking at your DNA. Hopefully, you will recognize your parents on your own, leaving your children as the other choice.)

Reach out

If your child already appears in your matches, you should reach out to them. They might have tested years ago and stopped looking at their matches. Think carefully about what you want to say. They got tested, so they're probably looking for you... but that's not guaranteed. Be gentle!

Wait

If your child doesn't already appear in your matches, then you have to sit back and wait. There's really no way for you to find them using DNA until they get tested.