I'm feeling better, manufacturing a little less mucus, and hope to actually write something worth reading within the next few days.

Meanwhile, more movie reviews...

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A Cuckoo in the Nest (1933)

This is a comedy about a missed train, a judgmental mother-in-law, and an endless series of coincidences and misunderstandings.

At least, it's built like a comedy, with silly music and a guy who's always drunk and a bum with a silly walk — yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a comedy.

What I'm not sure about is whether it's severely dated, or wasn't funny even in 1933, but here in 2022 I couldn't take it for more than twenty minutes, and during that time I smiled only once, and only slightly.

Verdict: NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Killers (1946)

Hit men are gunning for Burt Lancaster. He's just a grease monkey at a fillin' station, but he knows they're coming, and knows why. "I did something wrong, once."

Lancaster is very good, for Lancaster. He's usually wooden and he's wooden here, but he's dead early in the story, and mostly present via flashbacks, so his rigor mortis is irrelevant.

The big names are Lancaster and Ava Gardner, but the star is Edmond O'Brien, as an insurance investigator who smells something odd when Lancaster's corpse is found with eight bullet holes.

This is an always-simmering mystery noir adventure, with clues that add up to a story worth telling. It's based on something Ernest Hemingway wrote, and directed by the always-reliable Richard Siodmak. Endless style, shadows, atmosphere, and wisecracks. Also, there's a bad guy unironically called "Dumb-Dumb."

William Conrad makes a brief appearance, marvelously. I think of him as the hero on radio's Gunsmoke and TV's Cannon, but he's one of The Killers here, and definitely not a customer you'd want to see at the diner.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Man with Bogart's Face (1980)

I was ever-so-slightly intrigued when this oddity came out in 1980, but it was gone from theaters in a week and I never saw it until today. It's about a modern-day private eye who undergoes surgery to look like Humphrey Bogart.

The impersonation is pretty good. From some angles, you could mistake Robert Sacchi for Bogart. He almost has the face, but not quite the voice, and he doesn't understand the twitch. Bogey had a slight facial twitch, but only rarely, when his character was nervous. This movie's Bogey does the twitch all the time, and makes it monotonous.

Sacchi's Bogart is named Marlow, which should be Marlowe. He talks about old movies a lot, and wears a trenchcoat even on summer days, but he also makes 8th-grade style dirty wisecracks, and punches people for no reason. Supporting characters are impersonating supporting characters from famous Bogey movies.

After a few reels of exasperatingly lowbrow jokes, the unfunny comedy fades to the background, and something resembling a plot emerges. Story and script are relentlessly stupid, though, never failing to make the most obvious gags, and there are no elements you can't see coming like a bus from two blocks away.

Almost unbelievably, this movie is based on a novel, with the screenplay written by the novelist, Andrew J Fenady. It's painful watching this; I'd have to be paid to try reading it. IMDB tells me that Fenady created some TV shows I never watched and wrote some movies I've never heard of. What he was doing here is difficult to say, but it's clear that he never liked Bogart in the first place, nor understood his appeal. It's a long piss on Bogey's tombstone.

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

Moontide (1942)

This stars Jean Gabin as a lovable hard-drinking Frenchman everyone calls Bo-Bo, or perhaps Beau-Beau. Ida Lupino falls for Beau-Beau, which is understandable — he's an easygoing rascal, usually a joker, but when it's needed he can also throw a punch or be an ass.

He's a former dockworker reduced to selling bait, and you get the feeling Beau-Beau's been a few places and done a few things, maybe not the best places and things.

Claude Rains has a frustratingly small role as "Nutsy," the friend looking out for Beau-Beau, but when Nutsy's name is spoken in a rush or with an accent, it often sounds like people are saying, "Hello, Nazi." That's a bit distracting.

Thomas Mitchell plays another friend, a hanger-on with motives of his own. "A pilot fish is a little fish that attaches itself to a shark. The shark does the work. The pilot fish just hangs on, and enjoys a nice living hanging on. See what I mean?"

I like Beau-Beau, better than the movie they've put him into. It feels like a comedy when it starts, full of amusing characters, and there's a Dali-esque one-minute montage, intended to show us that it's whiskey o'clock whenever Beau-Beau is at the bar. I went back and watched that montage again after the movie finished — it's remarkable, especially considering it's 1942. IMDB says Dali did create it, but it's uncredited on-screen so I'm skeptical.

After a comedic start, Moontide pulls in different directions, becoming something serious, and by the end it's damned dark indeed, with all the laughs and most of the charm forgotten.

If you're sharp of eye and long of memory, you might recognize Victor Sen-Young as Beau-Beau's employer, a fishmonger. He later played the Cartwright family's cook, Hop Sing, on Bonanza for years and years.

Verdict: YES, but barely.

♦ ♦ ♦

Omicron (1963)

Science fiction and comedy don't usually mix well, but this oddity from Italy in the 1960s is successful on both counts, for the most part.

As advance man for an alien invasion of Earth, an unseen entity named Omicron takes control of the body of a human. Problem is, Omicron doesn't know the first thing about humans, so he needs to collect all his intel from scratch. At first, he doesn't even understand the purpose of eyes and ears, so he has a lot to learn, including the language.

He's a good student, and eventually knows enough to get himself in trouble, which lets the movie make some observations on capitalism, workers' rights, and human rights. Also, there's a memorable scene when he learns to blow raspberries.

Before Omicron figures out the purpose of a conscience, there's a painfully unfunny five-minute sequence where he decides to rape a woman. I'm going to sigh loudly but recommend the movie anyway, because there isn't actually a rape, and because everything before and after those five minutes is either thoughtful, funny, or just plain weird enough to recommend.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Rasputin the Mad Monk (1965)

Christopher Lee stars in Hammer Film's telling of Rasputin, a legend known to me only through a peculiar pop song I've always liked.

Lee steps into the film looking like a scruffy homeless guy, and saves a fatally ill woman's life by drawing her fever into his hands, then washes his hands and seduces the woman's daughter. Where he gets his powers is never explained, but that's OK. Nobody much explained Dracula either. It's a myth, is all.

So Rasputin dances Russian-style, behaves rudely, treats women quite poorly, seems not a person to be trusted, orchestrates events through hypnosis, and insinuates himself to a position of controlling the Russian royal family. He's never a good role model, but he's fun to watch in action, and Lee plays him so bombastically and gleefully, a fine time is had by all except his victims.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Time Bandits (1981)

I saw this movie when it first came out, and it bored me. I kinda hated it.

Well, it's time to give it a second chance, because (1) I was just a kid, not even 25 years old when I saw it, (b) time travel is my favorite form of sci-fi, and (III) I hated another Terry Gilliam film, Brazil, when I first saw it, but on second and subsequent viewings it became one of my very favorites.

Several little people shimmy through time holes all across history, stealing valuables and making trouble. One of their time holes is in a little boy's bedroom, so he gets stolen too.

It's a pleasant enough adventure, and it looks delightful, and I didn't hate it on this second viewing like I did on the first. It's visually appealing and odd all the way through, occasionally remarkable to look at.

It might as well have been a silent movie, though. All the bright ideas and creativity went into making Time Bandits look spectacular, with the story and script serving only as a frame for the visual effects. I saw the movie just yesterday, and already can't remember much of anything about the story, nor even a word of the dialogue, but it was fun. It's no Brazil, though.

Verdict: YES.

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5/25/2022

Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim. Real butter, not that fake crap, on the popcorn. Piracy is not a victimless crime. Click any image to enlarge. [Comments & conversations invited.](mailto:[email protected]?subject=Comments for Mostly Words)