COF 286 - dfs-archiver/dfs-archive GitHub Wiki
Work in enough offices (and I have worked in enough offices) and you'll begin to recognize certain 'types' of office workers.
At Haugen & Dahl, I'm seeing some familiar people, people I'd swear I've worked with before, though their names and faces are different.
There's the aging party girl who talks too much about her weekend.
There's the heavily-tattooed late-20s ten-speed guy, who you know couldn't pass a urinalysis.
There's the woman whose grown old working this job, and knows it better than anyone.
There's the "Jim Halpert" character, often found away from his desk and instead leaning on a counter and chatting with pretty "Pam Beesly," and the "Pam" in our office is actually named Pam.
There's the old man who's barely hanging on with modern technology, sitting at his desk and staring at his screen, using his index finger to push keyboard buttons, and whenever he needs to ask a question (or worse, explain something) you can tell it's a struggle. And no, he's not me, but maybe in a few years...
There are the people who talk too loudly about their lives outside of work, like the woman on the other side of my cubicle wall, sharing the story of her father's decline and last days, at length, every morning.
And there's Peter, the earnest and nervous 30-something man who wants you to know he really cares about the job, but whatever knowledge he has gets lost in his anxiety at saying anything. He used to be me, so I sympathize.
6-8 or so of us do similar work, but we're scattered around the office, and word is that we're all going to be moved to the same corner of the building, soon. When that happens, I'll be among a crowd of co-workers instead of 2-3 people, and by the odds of human nature, somebody will get on my nerves.
And it might be Peter β we do similar work, so he'll soon be one of my cubicle-neighbors, and already he stops at my desk and wants to check my work, though checking my work isn't his job. He interrupts himself a lot, starting one sentence, but then "No, wait," deciding he wants to say something different instead. And he has a hundred suggestions for how we should all do things a little different, but he can't put his ideas into clear words, and I've noticed Alissa's eyes rolling when he speaks.
I love carrots, but as part of being old, If I eat too many I'll have explosive, barely-controllable farts and poops the next day. I've been eating fewer carrots, obviously, because I don't want to be sharting at the office.
Still eating a few carrots after dinner most nights, though, and yesterday at our very quiet office, a surprisingly loud fart escaped as I walked past Judy's desk. Alissa was on the phone, so she probably didn't hear it. No way Judy didn't hear it, though.
On Tuesday I attended my first meeting at Haugen & Dahl, which was similar to but slightly better than attending a meeting anyplace.
Workflow is behind, and the boss explained that she wants it caught up. She seems to understand what we do, though, what she wants isn't unreasonable, and she knows the department has been short-staffed (which is why I work there now).
Though I had only four days of experience, she asked if I had any suggestions, and I had two. "I don't yet have access to the document storage and sorting system, so Alissa has to stop doing her work all the time to sort through more work for me," I said, and the boss said she'd have me on the storage and sorting system by the next day (and she did).
And also, I said aloud what seems to be the most time-consuming problem β duplicates documents in the workflow. Maybe I'll say more about that some other day, but Alissa and even Peter agreed it's a problem.
Old people tend to like it warmer, and after two years of working from home and then one year of unemployment at home, I'm accustomed to being in a very warm space. 75Β° is a bit chilly for me. The space heater at home stays on until 78Β° or so.
At the office, it's the traditional 68Β°, and on my first day I shivered so much than on my second day and every day since I've word thermal underwear top & bottom, but the place still feels just a little too cold.
I take lunch at my desk every day, and read a book. Making chit-chat, Judy asked about the book I was reading, which made for a moment of awkwardness. It's Broken Crown, by Henry Racicot, and I'll write a good review when I'm finished with it, but there's nothing about the plotline that can be explained in a work-appropriate conversation. The next day I brought in an old noir novel instead.
News you need,
whether you know it or not
β’ Federal Reserve's Zoom conference cancelled after "porn-bombing"
β’ "Playgrounds for cops": Beyond protests, clergy, environmentalist unite against Atlanta's 'Cop City'
β’ Facebook and Google are handing over user data to help police prosecute abortion seekers
β’ Tennessee punk band performs in drag after drag is banned
They're The Vandoliers, and I've added "Bless Your Drunken Heart" to my playlist.
β’ Retired Muni streetcar to become bed-and-breakfast
β’ Climate change comes for molluscs and sea urchins
β’ Tropical plankton in jeopardy from climate change
β’ Climate change is raising flight turbulence risks
β’ Antarctic sea ice reaches lowest levels ever recorded
β’ Scientists discover a new way climate change threatens cold-blooded animals
β’ Risky feedback loops are accelerating climate change, scientists warn
β’ Intense downpours in the UK will increase due to climate change β new study
β’ Official report condemns police gangs within Los Angeles Sheriff's Department
β’ Cop convicted for on-duty rapes
β’ Bodycam footage confirms Asheville police targeted journalists
β’ Iowa Republicans propose a ban on same-sex marriage
β’ Tennessee governor signs laws targeting drag shows and health care for transgender youths
β’ Racist Republican Congressman blames recent Ohio train derailments on diversity
β’ Florida Republicans seek new abortion restrictions amid broad right-wing push
β’ Arkansas Gov. Sanders signs law loosening child labor protections
β’ Republicans are working overtime to overcome democracy
β’ Trump gave an unhinged rant at CPAC about his friendship with Putin and WWIII
β’ Musk backpedals after mocking disabled Twitter worker in tweet βstormβ
Mystery links
There's no knowing where you're going
β’ Click
β’ Click
β’ Click
β’ Click
β’ Click
My browser history
without the porn
β’ Inside the secret working group that helped push anti-trans laws across the country
β’ A museum for the working class
β’ Man goes barefoot for twenty years
β’ An obscure rule about bus stops can make riding at night safer
β«β¬ It don't mean a thing β«
if it don't have that swing
β’ American Idiot β Green Day
β’ The Devil's Been Busy β Traveling Wilburys
β’ On the Radio β Al Stewart
β’ 16 Tons β Tennessee Ernie Ford
Eventually, everyone
leaves the building
β’ Richard Anobile
β’ Bert I Gordon
β’ Anthony Green
β’ Robert Haimer
β’ Judy Heumann
β’ Linda Kasabian
β’ Douglas Kelbaugh
β’ Shinta Ratri
β’ Gary Rossington
β’ Eileen Sheridan
β’ Topol
β’ Sandy Valdespino
3/9/2023
Tip 'o the hat to ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, CaptCreate's Log, Harm City Hearld, Looking for My Perfect Sandwich, One Finger Medical, Two Finger Magical, Miss Miriam's Mirror, Nebulously Burnished, RanPrieur.com, Voenix Rising, and anywhere else I've stolen links, illustrations, or inspiration.
Special thanks to Linden Arden, Becky Jo, Wynn Bruce, Joey Jo Jo, John the Basket, Dave S, Name Withheld, and always extra special thanks to my lovely late Stephanie, who gave me 21 years and proved that the world isn't always shitty.