No knowing who's nuts

I was riding the bus back from shopping, and a bum got on, with his big dog, a muscular thing that came up to about my groin. All three of us were standing — me, the bum, and his dog, but after a few blocks some seats opened up, and the bum and his dog took two of them. I was still standing.

The bum talked to his dog, but not friendly talk, stern talk. "You better not make me lose my backpack again, or else," and he stressed 'again'. it possible for a dog to make someone lose his backpack, even once?

I was standing right over the man, close enough to smell his stink, and he had plenty. Essence of unwashed clothes with piss on them, and old arm pits.

Fido was very well-behaved, just sitting in a seat, looking out the window, and being scolded by a stinking man. It's all part of riding the bus, but it smelled worse than usual.

Someone got off two rows ahead of me, so I settled into that seat and left the bum's aroma behind, but after a few blocks the odor reached up to me. I was ready to ring the bell and wait ten minutes for the next bus, but the bum rang the bell instead, and he and his dog stepped off.

There was great rejoicing on the bus, but we were idling at a red light, so I watched as the bum approached a door, pulled keys out of his pocket, unlocked a gate, and walked with his dog into what looked like an upscale apartment building. Maybe a condo.

So — he's not only not homeless, he lives in a swanky complex with balconies for every tenant, and a swimming pool.

Times are getting so crazy there's no knowing who's nuts any more. Always, any city-dweller could tell at a glance who's a bum and who's not, but now even the middle class might stink, talk to themselves, and have a dog they treat shitty.

And now, the news you need,
whether you know it or not

• Los Angeles residents who can't afford bail sue to change system

• BangBros offers $10-million for Miami Heat arena naming rights

• Erik Cantu, the San Antonio teen shot by a cop at McDonald's, is awake, playing with LEGOs, family says

• How I became the subject of an equity investigation at the University of Michigan

• Crows found to be smarter than we think

• Will Biden fix Trump's border wall disaster?

• Facebook fact-checkers will stop checking Trump after presidential bid announcement

• Honey bees are only living half as long as they did in the 1970s

And it never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops,

• Hamilton County sheriff’s sergeant fired for kicking handcuffed inmate in head back on job

And it never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops...