COF 224 - dfs-archiver/dfs-archive GitHub Wiki
My apologies. One of the things I like best about these collections of leftover mini-articles and links is finding or creating amusing illustrations. None of that today. This morning I somehow managed to delete my folder full of images, so you get words and nothing but words.
Next time, lots of pretty pictures. I promise.
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Since arriving in Seattle in March, I've been job-hunting, but casually. I'd like a job I'd like, so I'm being picky. If I haven't found a decent job by the new year then I'll settle for shitty work, but right now it's fun watching movies all day.
There's only one application I've filled out that's still pending, and that's to drive for the county bus agency. Odds are stacked against me, I figure, just because of my grandfatherly age, but I've made it to the second round, where everyone fills out a psychological profile questionnaire.
Last time I filled out one of these, it was ten years ago, ten questions, with very obvious right and wrong answers. This one's 100 questions, and for most of them, the answers they want aren't obvious at all.
Some are straightforward, and you'd have to be a fool to answer wrong, like,
• Safety rules should be followed
[ ] when they're reasonable.
[ ] always.
And there are several questions intended to weed out assholes, like,
• I prefer criticism that is
[ ] blunt and direct.
[ ] tactful and constructive.
• It's important to arrive at work on time
[ ] always.
[ ] unless you have a good excuse.
As expected in any test like this, a few of the questions are designed to detect introverts, and prevent us from finding employment. There's a lot of prejudice against quiet people, so for those questions I lied and became gregarious and friendly.
• At a social event, I am
[ ] a fly on the wall.
[ ] the life of the party.
• I make friends
[ ] easily.
[ ] with some difficulty.
A whole hell of a lot of Metro's questions were more ambiguous, and who knows what they were looking for, like,
• False rumors about me would be
[ ] frustrating.
[ ] amusing.
'Amazing' was not an option.
• At work it is important to
[ ] have strong relationships.
[ ] be the best.
I don't think either of those is important at work. If anything's important it's just doing the work, best you can.
• In making decisions, I tend to
[ ] trust my gut.
[ ] methodically analyze the options.
Depends on the decision, of course. Depends on my mood. Depends on whether it's an important or insignificant decision. 'Depends' was never an option on any of the questions.
• On tasks with deadlines, I
[ ] complete the work immediately.
[ ] put it off to the last minute.
Like most of these questions, I'm somewhere in the middle — they gave me a week to fill out the questionnaire, and I did it on the third day.
It's frustrating that so many of their questions seemed irrelevant and too dumb to ask, let alone answer. Answer I did, though, and as honestly as possible, which will almost certainly eliminate me before the swimsuit competition.
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It's rare for me to dream a comedy, but this dream came with a laugh track:
There's a TV sit-com starring Fred MacMurray but it's not quite My Three Sons, and I'm not watching it on TV. I'm sorta in it, not as a character or an actor, though. Maybe I'm a camera; the show is simply happening all around me, like life.
McMurray is driving a forklift at a loading dock, but he's still the folksy senior citizen from My Three Sons, so he wears a suit. Driving the forklift in a suit doesn't pay enough to support his three sons, so he also has a night job at the ball park concession stand, selling hot dogs during baseball games.
The secretary at the loading dock — a young thing, pretty, I think it was Tuesday Weld — goes to a ball game one night, and sees MacMurray working at the concession stand. He's wearing a suit, naturally. She says hello and buys a hot dog.
Next day at the office, she keeps popping out from behind plastic-wrapped shipping flats and pallets of canned peas, whatever, to say to MacMurray, "You sell hot dogs!"
She says it cute and perky, and it's the show's million-dollar catch phrase, like "How you doin'?" or "Missed it by that much" or "Dy-no-mite!" The audience that isn't there explodes with pre-recorded laughter every time she says, "You sell hot dogs!" That's the pilot episode.
Is the line supposed to have sexual connotations? Probably. What doesn't? But she's not saying it dirty. It's all very innocent, and funnier than Ernie Kovacs.
After I woke up to pee and spilled some because I was laughing so much, there was a second episode where Tuesday goes to another ball game, buys another hot dog from Fred MacMurray in a suit, and this time she giggles and says, "You drive a forklift!" And man, it's hilarious, really.
When I woke up I couldn't stop laughing, like someone was tickling me. Laughing and laughing and saying to myself, "You sell hot dogs!" I was still laughing, as I typed this at 2:25 in the morning, knowing it wouldn't be funny come sunrise.
Next morning, though, damn it — "You sell hot dogs!" And I'm laughing again.
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I waited two weeks, because I know that "You sell hot dogs!" is among the dumbest things I've ever typed. Then I read it again this morning, and it still cracks me up, so I'm printing it, damn it.
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And now, the news you need,
whether you know it or not
• Right-wing political propaganda posing as local news circulating across country
• "They defamed her": Uvalde educator falsely accused of leaving school door open seeks answers
• Indiana doctor sues AG to block him from obtaining patient abortion records
• Police back Republican candidates in U.S. midterms, even those at Jan. 6 riot
• The ridiculous but important Twitter verification debate, explained
• Elon Musk's Twitter layoffs leave whole teams gutted
I don't understand Musk's strategy in buying and immediately dismantling Twitter, but I never understood Twitter in the first place. Stories like this will be in the news for months, and I won't link to most of them, since it'll be news you can read everywhere. I'm linking today because this bit at the end cracked me up almost as much as "You sell hot dogs!":
Twitter didn’t have a comment for this story by press time. The company’s communications department is almost entirely gone as of Friday.
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One-word newscast,
because it's the same news every time…
• Climate change isn't 'coming', it's underway. It'll kill billions, and we're not doing squat about it.
• All cops are bastards, or they know who the bastard cops are and do nothing about it, which is the same thing.
• Republicans are the enemy of common sense, common decency, simple truth, and democracy.
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Other links I liked
• How much press are you worth?
• Did Vikings find their way to a remote part of Oklahoma?
• RetiredPornStar offers her advice for ladies in the bedroom
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Mystery links
• click
• click
• click
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♫♬ Mix tape of my mind ♫
• "Dark Side of the Moon" by Pink Floyd
• "Four Seasons" by Vivaldi
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The End
11/4/2022
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...