I always intend to call my mother every weekend, and actually call her once a month or so. Before dialing, I need to be in exactly the right mood and mental space, but nothing could prepare me for yesterday's opening remarks. Her phone ID'd me, and Mom answered the phone: "I prayed that you would call me today. God does answer prayers!"

It had been two weeks since I last called, and she had no breaking news to be related.

When I asked, she said she'd been praying that I'd call every day since my last call. I said, "And did I call every day?"

"No," she said, "but today you called, praise the Lord."

"Maybe God didn't do anything — same as yesterday," I said. "But today Doug called."

"And praise the Lord!"

♦ ♦ ♦

I've heard tall tales, even from people I trust, about landlords returning the damage deposit. Never seen it with my own eyes and wallet, but I do believe it happens, like the face of Christ appears on burnt toast.

Moving out of my first few apartments, I put some serious effort into cleaning those places. I vacuumed the carpet, repaired holes in the drywall, scrubbed the sinks and toilets and walls, etc. All for naught, as I saw not a penny from the damage deposit.

Same with my next apartment, same with every apartment I've ever rented.

Eventually, even a slow learner learns that the damage deposit isn't really a deposit in case of damages to the apartment. It's the fee for moving in, and same as the monthly rent, you'll never see that money again.

So now, when I say I'm packing and cleaning the apartment, it's a baseline clean. I swept the basement storage room, not because it was required, but because it was such a catastrophe when I started clearing the clutter, I wanted to see it pristine at the end. I'll sweep and mop the bedroom, because there's loose cat litter and cat vomit on the floor. I gave the stovetop a scrubbing yesterday, because it was soooo horrendous with years of baked-on griz, it would've basically been a middle finger to the landlord if it'd left it as it was.

This landlord has been OK, and doesn't deserve the finger, but I'm not scrubbing the sink, not vacuuming the carpet, and definitely not washing the walls. Not taking down the mirror I stupidly superGlued to the bedroom door. Not washing the windows nor cleaning the blinds. Everything will be less tidy than when we moved in, but it's been a lot of years and there's no damage deposit at stake, so screw it.

♦ ♦ ♦

And now, my internet history from yesterday, minus the porn…

♦ ♦ ♦

Scientists astonished by heatwaves at north and south poles

This could be the opening of a sci-hi/horror movie, but like everything else about climate change, it'll only be fodder for a few politicians' speeches, and otherwise ignored.

Startling heatwaves at both of Earth’s poles are causing alarm among climate scientists, who have warned the "unprecedented" events could signal faster and abrupt climate breakdown.
Temperatures in Antarctica reached record levels at the weekend, an astonishing 40 degrees above normal in places.
At the same time, weather stations near the north pole also showed signs of melting, with some temperatures 30 degrees above normal, hitting levels normally attained far later in the year.

This is why the world as we've known it is doomed: Warnings of climate change have accumulated but been ignored for decades — thank you sir, may I have another? — and we haven't even opened a Museum of Accumulated Warnings.

♦ ♦ ♦

Republicans promise endless stupid bullshit if they retake Senate

It's an overpowering indictment of Democrats, that Americans still consider the Republican Party an option.

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Capitalists get their asses knitted and then handed back to them.

♦ ♦ ♦

Vimeo is telling creators to suddenly pay thousands of dollars — or leave the platform

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• Ukrainian soldier moves to trademark "Russian warship, go fuck yourself" because of course

• A message to Ukraine? Cosmonauts wear yellow and blue flight suits for trip to space station

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Rocking horses in retirement

♦ ♦ ♦

A shrunken burrito stand

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Is this an intriguing new artistic interpretation of a classic rock song, or merely the worst cover ever recorded? I give you, "25 or 6 to 4," by Ada.

♦ ♦ ♦

One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

• climate

• cops

• cops

• cops

• cops

• cops

• Republicans

• Republicans

• Rikers

♦ ♦ ♦

Mystery links — Like life itself, there’s no knowing where you’re going:

—①—

—②—

—③—

♦ ♦ ♦

♫♬ Sing along with Doug ♫

"All That" — Sparks

♦ ♦ ♦

The End

• Christopher Alexander

• Bobbie Lee Nelson

• Hugh O’Shaughnessy

• Eugene Parker

• Lynn Yeakel

3/21/2022
Tip 'o the hat to All Hat No Cattle, Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S., and always Stephanie...
Cranky Old Man