Borrowed from Bukowski:

we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.
it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.

The terror of one person, aching in one place, alone... lately there's some of that. I am sleeping shitty and barely, sometimes full of worries about moving.

Any of a thousand things could go wrong between this place and that place — Seattle, my destination.

Something as simple as breaking my arm could monkeywrench everything. Crack, and I wouldn't be able to carry boxes.

I'm hoping to drive my car to Seattle, but that's 2,000 miles and the car is twenty years old.

And if the Chevy gets over the mountains, who's gonna hire a man this old and impatient and disheveled?

We are afraid, and by we I mean me.

In six decades on this fading planet, plenty has gone wrong, but with only rare exceptions I've survived. Between being white and being lucky, things have usually worked out, long as I've kept my goals pathetically tiny.

Today, like yesterday, my goal is to make tiny progress shoveling the mess of this apartment into the trash, or into boxes marked for the next chapter. The living room is mostly empty now...

So I fill the dumpster, and pack a few boxes, and always there's more. For a break before being broken, I Google-visit the destination, remembering something cool — a shop, a theater, a restaurant, maybe a friend. It's been thirty years, though, so most of them are gone, RIP.

A few still exist…

• Fish'n'chips at Ivar's
• Hamburgers at Dick's
• Grand Illusion Cinema — a tiny, artsy movie theater where they care about movies, and where I first saw Grand Illusion.
• Scarecrow Video — I rented VHS videos there all those years ago, and now it's the city's last video store, and America's largest, and I'm gonna get my card back.

For further breaks from all the work of packing, I email my brothers, my sister, my long-ago friends who aren't dead. We have brief, jokey conversations, but mostly they don't get the jokes. It's the reliable joy of not-quite connecting with another human.

Yesterday I yakked on the phone for an hour-and-a-half with my mom, not-connecting much. It brightened my spirits, because every moment of it was so very mom-ishly bizarre. She's excited and delighted to almost have me back, and asks the same questions over and over —

• When are you getting here?
• Do you remember when you vomited on the school bus when you were nine?
• Why were you missing for eleven years?
• When are you getting here?

She repeats the questions because she's forgotten she's already asked. I'm old and forgetful, she's older and more forgetful, so I can't fault her for asking the questions I answered five minutes ago. I'll try to remember that.

Unless a better offer comes along, I'll be staying with my mom and my sister (they live together_!_) when I get to Seattle, sleeping on their couch for as long as it takes to find a hovel of my own to call home. It'll be like a sit-com, but will it be a good sit-com, or According to Jim? Stay tuned.

♦ ♦ ♦

3½ years after she died, I've plopped my wife's $15,000 prosthetic leg into the dumpster. It's never looked better.

♦ ♦ ♦

We'll start with two headlines from America's heartless heartland: Oklahoma.

Attorney general’s office reviewing 54 school library books for alleged obscenity

The Oklahoma Attorney General's office is reviewing dozens of school library books to determine if they violate state law on obscene materials. A spokeswoman for Attorney General John O'Connor confirmed Tuesday that his office is reviewing 54 books after the state's top prosecutor received complaints from "several concerned individuals" about the titles.

The article helpfully provides a list, if you'd like to be sure you're reading like a Republican.

♦ ♦ ♦

Democratic U.S. House candidate in Oklahoma apologizes after middle-school sleepover

Abby Broyles, Democrat running for Congress, is 32 years old, but she went to a slumber party for 12-year-olds, where she got drunk, insulted one of the kids, and brought the whole party down. She's apologized, but still, the Democratic Party should find a better candidate.

♦ ♦ ♦

Some records taken by Trump are so sensitive they may not be described in public

Some of the presidential records recovered from former president Donald Trump’s residence at Mar-a-Lago are so sensitive they may not be able to be described in forthcoming inventory reports in an unclassified way, two people familiar with the matter said Friday.

Trump is a criminal, of course, part of an ongoing crime wave that'll almost certainly go unpunished.

That said, government should have few secrets, and any secret that's so secret it cannot be spoken — like Voldemort? — is a secret that ought to be broadcast to all the world.

♦ ♦ ♦

"That is fraud." GOP registered more than 100 voters as Republicans without their consent

Another part of the ongoing crime wave that'll almost certainly go unpunished.

♦ ♦ ♦

One hundred years ago, the Mississippi state Senate voted to evict the state’s Black residents — the majority of its total population — not just out of Mississippi, but out of the country.

♦ ♦ ♦

Top librarian for Kansas City suburban system quits, cites anti-gay trustees

♦ ♦ ♦

"Stand your ground" laws have increased murders by 8-11%

♦ ♦ ♦

Texas Governor Abbott ordered price gouging during last year's big freeze

♦ ♦ ♦

Hard-hitting investigative journalism about a famous pair of dentures

♦ ♦ ♦

One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

• climate

• cops

• cops

• QAnonsense

• QAnonsense

♦ ♦ ♦

Mystery links — Like life itself, there’s no knowing where you’re going:

—①—

—②—

—③—

♦ ♦ ♦

♫♬ Sing along with Doug ♫

"Ms 45, Angel of Vengeance" — Joe Dalia

The End

• lǝʞɔǝB qoB

• Leo Bersani

2/28/2022
Tip 'o the hat to All Hat No Cattle, Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S., and always Stephanie...
Cranky Old Man