Cranky Old Man #72

I know you've been waiting, so here's the ten best films of 1931.

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I pay little attention to drug prohibition hysteria these days, but it's an eyeball roll when the Drug Enforcement Agency is decoding emojis to protect us from drug abuse.

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And here's some drug-induced drug protection from the past:

In the ‘90s the U.S. government paid TV networks to weave “anti-drug” messaging into their plot lines.

They're probably still doing it.

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Manila's new Covid lockdown only for the unvaxxed: Stay home or go to jail.

Smells like a solution to me.

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Mustard toast is even lower is calories than pickle dogs. The name is the recipe: toasted bread, with a generous layer of mustard spread like butter. It tastes like a ham sandwich without the ham, which is surprisingly yummy. Turns out mustard was the star of the sandwich all along.

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This isn't mine, but it's good enough to swipe:

My wife asked if I’d go to the store, pick up ingredients so she could make lasagna. OK, I’ll go. She gave me a list. I needed beer anyway. Then she said “Make sure you get artisan bread.” Artisan bread? So when I got to the market I looked at all the breads on the shelf and found a loaf that actually said ‘Artisan Bread.’ I was pretty proud of finding exactly what she asked for. Got home, she pulled the bread out of the bag and said “This is the wrong bread, I said Artesian Bread.”

Then…

The lasagna: “I wouldn’t have bought this brand”

The Mozzarella: “Did you check the date on this?”

The Tomato Sauce “THIS IS ON SALE NEXT WEEK, NOT THIS WEEK.”

The Parmesan: “Why’d you get the large size?”

Finally, a little snark: “I’ll bet you got the beer you wanted.”

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How to delete your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok.

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There's plenty wrong with me, of course, but at least my poops measure up to everyone else's.

Also: Pooping in ancient Rome.

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One-word newscast:

• China

• climate change

• tweet

Dead:

• Sally Ann Howes

• Richard Leakey

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Doug, you gotta see this from the Huffington Post, but nah. This is irrational of me, no argument, but Dougie don't do dat.

I saw Arianna Huffington in the 1990s when she was a Republican, standing quietly in the background while her husband, who was an obviously gay but closeted Republican Congressman, gave me the creeps. She gave me the creeps, too, and I've never believed the conversion that made her a supposed liberal.

She sold the Huffington Post some years back, but she was a sell-out long before selling out, and I don't think I've missed anything by avoiding all things Huffington.

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An unusual hockey hero, in my home town.

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Multiple hosts doing zany antics between the commercials, and if there's time left over maybe they'll play some music! The hosts talk loud and lively! Interrupting each other a lot! Laughing at each other's dick jokes!

It's the "morning zoo" radio show! It's on the air every morning in every American city I've ever lived or visited! Maybe you listen!

I don't, except when I'm fiddling with the dial on my way to some other station, but I do marvel at these shows' consistency, ubiquitousness, and dedication to the format forever. Three different stations had three competing morning zoos in Seattle, when I was a kid fifty damned years ago, and they're doing exactly the same show now, on several different stations in Wisconsin.

This is me sneering, and turning the dial quick as I can.

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Propaganda is always everywhere, but war propaganda is a whole different ship in the Navy, in the middle of New York City's Union Square. Drop by any time until the end of the war.

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I love a good game of chess, even if I lose. I don’t lose often, not because I’m good, but because I’ve been playing the same opponent for years now, and I’m better than he is (or more likely, I take more time studying the board).

Holler if you want to play a game and kick my butt.

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Mystery links — Like life itself, there’s no knowing where you’re going:

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Sing along with Doug:
A Hazard to Myself, by P!nk
Tip 'o the hat:
Linden Arden • BoingBoing
Captain Hampockets • Follow Me Here
The Honest Courtesan • John the Basket
LiarTownUSA • Messy Nessy Chick
National Zero • Ran Prieur
Vintage Everyday • Voenix Rising
Extra special thanks:
Becky Jo • Name Withheld • Dave S.
1/4/2022
Cranky Old Man