June 30

There is a new extension for the MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV which I played, a lot. Too much. It had became a literal addiction and it took me a lot to get rid of it. I was wrong in playing this way, but it eventually led to the big fight with my wife, along with other cumulated non addressed topics I had in me.
We talked a bit about this with my wife, who invited me to play again, but it went to a discussion, where we don't seem to agree. I have the angst of a relapse. Even though I don't play anymore, and I think I can restrict myself in a way. I feel uncomfortable with it now. I understand how the game is created to create an addiction to it - it's a monthly subscription system after all, if you don't incite the players to come back to their game again and again, they lose players thus money. The game itself has a lot of qualities, but if I was to play a game now, I think I'd rather play a game with an end to it, else I may be sucked back to a bad loop.
Overall, when I thought I had overcome my addictions - at my level of addiction maybe some would say, but I still think I was addicted : online games, alochol, tabaco, porn... - for almost all my life I have switched from one to another, if not some simultaneously.
Is it bad to enjoy time playing games with your wife or friends? Of course not. If we know we are not a person who may get addicted, it's a good thing. In my case, for games for example, I have the need to play until I get 100% of the objectives done in it, or get every possible items, etc... I know I'm not the only one, but I also know that some don't, like my wife, who I believe has difficulties understanding the point of view of someone like this.
It might be a good entry point for what I want to do. I thought to use it recently (I wanted to show my rank of Puzzle and Dragons, or play time in Eorzea or Diablo 4, etc...), as a proof that we can get over addictions.

June 29

Yesterday I visited a bar I used to go often; there you can play Shogi, a japanese chess like game. A few years ago in another bar, I noticed something that looked like a Shogi board. I had seen it in the manga Naruto, when Shikamaru is playing. I got interested in it and was taught by the owner of the place. The 2 places were friends, and I was invited to an event where we could play some Shogi, at the bar I went yesterday.
We discussed my project and like my wife, didn't seem to see an opportunity in what I want to do : it seems to him it felt like boasting and just giving advice, and that most human beings are just dumb and would eventually, maybe, need to understand by themselves.
I felt quite down hearing that - I also didn't eat dinner, which may also explain why I didn't feel energetic. I had a friend coming who now lives in Tokyo visit Osaka for a few days, so I went to meet him, ending the discussion regarding the project.
This friend is a nice guy, around his 30s, and also a bit weird! He was working for a semi-conductor producing company, as a sales representative, but he wanted to try the adult video world, so he is now an assistant producer. It seems to be a busy job, and it felt he neither hated or very much liked it. I guess all industries are the same.
After coming back home a bit late, I talked a bit of this discussion with my wife. She at one point told me Anzai-sensei words, if you give up the match is over. I haven't given up yet, but it seems I need to replan what I want to do. The owner of the Shogi bar said it would be interesting to have a book, written from the perspective of a foreigner, regarding the manga. I could try something like that, though it takes a different direction from my ultimate goal.

June 28

15.2%
I started drinking Yerba mate. It contains caffeine which I didn't want to include in my diet, but overall it seems to be a good addition. I'm not used to ingesting caffeine, so the effects feel pretty strong to me, but I do feel I can focus more and be more alert.
I plan to continue writing, giving examples of my own life, as a mere commoner on this earth. Though the power of authority gives a tremendous advantage to sell or show up, I think the story of a commoner might be of interest for some individuals as well. It's easier to relate, as it's not a celebrity living in another world, or a "genius", or some CEO who has achieved a lot. If I can do it, with my own hands, there is no reason anybody else isn't capable of doing it.
So it would be a mix of autobiographical stories related to the theme I abord. The hard part will be to organize all of that as I have the bad tendency to go il all directions at once.
Second, my wife doesn't seem interested at all, and I think she believes not many people would be interested in it... I still think I need to try, yet I hear the warning. I'll do it, and get the results. I shouldn't expect anything.
We still need to make a living at one point. I can go back to a "regular job" if this project doesn't lead to any financial repercussions.
I've set myself about a year, let's make it count!

June 27

I haven't started the project yet, have ideas that need to be recollected, and I also need to able to focus more time on it. Right now I still have my regular work to attend to.
I'm still hoping to get a reply from Andrew Huberman, as I sent a message to him to try getting in contact if possible.
This morning, I just thought that how my wife sometimes jokes about my name - the pronunciation of my name - is quite similar to the word compass in japanese. The compass is one of the images that can be used to illustrate our struggle within our own mind. So maybe we can look in this direction for a more proper name, logo or design.
I'm still having moments with opposite feelings rushing through my head. Am I just too naive to think this might be helpful? But I also believe (or at least want to believe maybe), that it may be helpful.
When I last saw my brother, I just felt he was trapped in the same fog I was in. Of course, his situation is different than mine, our stories are different, he has 3 children... But I could see myself, the me I was that could scream on a poor innocent soul. I just thought that it could be different. The same thing when I speak to most of people, basically.
And when I think that cognitively, I'm not the worst, this doesn't make me special. Yet I could somehow get to this place that feels right. I still have my instincts, some bad tendencies to want to be right, and I still like to brag... But knowing these facts and trying to refrain them, or jokingly embracing them, is way different than doing those unconsciously.
Cognitively, I'm sure my brother understand all of that. But the point is it's not something you understand with logic : it can make sense to you yet not reach you, thus why everyone know that even if doing exercises or studying should be done instead of sitting on the couch watching TV or browsing social media, most of us don't. It doesn't reach them profoundly.

June 26

15.6%
I now also write a dream diary and it takes more time than I had thought, so whether I need to write faster or arrange my schedule for it. Still not sure if there is really something to get from our dreams, but you cannot tell if you haven't tried, right? It also makes me write, without fear of the blank page or the pressure to actually write, so it's good training anyway. And when I recall my dreams, you can question your own sanity so it's quite laughable.
Yesterday, I asked the photographer to also take some pictures of me in just pants, to have pro pictures of how one's body can become if following my way of doing. Human beings need some kind of proof to try something. During the shooting, everyone there were laughing, first because the situation itself was laughable - in order to have the muscles show a bit more, I was suggested to do some exercise, which is true, so I did, very diligently and seriously -, also of course, having me in pants wasn't a scene you see often. The photographer took some good pictures, so I'm very thankful of him for taking additional time for me.
I still couldn't, and can't now, explain correctly the goal and mission of my project. But I think I'm getting there, and plan to write after I've finished my daily routine for writing the dream diary and the diary. I still need to recollect my thoughts, so the message gets clear, precise and short. I have the bad tendency, when speaking and writing as I'd speak, to go in multiple directions, often losing my listener - Dear wife, I'm sorry that you have to bear with me, and thank you for always patiently listening to me, with your always nice smile, and always trying your best to not fall asleep and show you care. Thank you.
My wife told me that her sister and brother in law had a fight recently, regarding the new apartment they just bought and the renovations for it. By hearing the story, it is a typical conflict of interests, where neither party wants to withdraw and think, genuinely they are right, and if there is a conflict, as they are right, the other is obviously wrong. Neither party want to take responsibility of acknowledging their fault, their wrong or try to get in the other's position. And often, the reason is the words get uglier and uglier, some resentment, maybe from past events or untold stories, also enter the conversation. And at one point, the reason of why the fight has really started becomes clearer.

June 25

I think I've found a not too bad name for the blog I intend to do. If time allows it, I'll start today the preparations to buy it and creates the accounts accordingly : mail address, SNS also I guess. Yesterday my wife announced to her work that she as planning on quitting it. I think it's a good decision, but some circumstances made it difficult for her to stop on that choice : the members seem to be good people, so she doesn't want to be a bother to them while our situation gets a bit tricky with me losing my job soon, she had just started the job so she doesn't want to be seen as someone who quits too early and cannot endure, maybe some pressure from her family as well.
Anyway, I hope the next steps for her will go well, whether it is her project of Instagram, her studies to become a judicial scrivener and the redecoration of our place. I know she enjoys doing it, and while my opinions are what they are, I need to support her more - sometimes keeping quiet is the right answer.
Today the pro photographer is coming to our office to take some profile pictures. My wife helped me choose the shirt to wear and we landed on a navy simple one - I do like simple clothes in general.

June 24

I didn't take the time to finish yesterday's bout for the diary. Do I need to make this one of the "to do" daily things, as close as sleeping or eating? Maybe I do. I'm trying to recollect my thoughts regarding the project I want to do. And now, I think that we should all take a few minutes at least for ourselves : it can be while meditating, or doing something meaningful to us like gardening, or doing some art or sport, as long as the time spent is dedicated to ourselves : not to be able to show off after, not to be able to achieve something. Just taking the time to be with ourselves. In this moment, we shouldn't be distracted by external stimuli that would bring us back to "reality", and not with ourselves anymore.
I know I'm no Shakespeare, but when you write you do take time for yourself, as long as it isn't related to work. One of the reason a diary works for some people as a self-therapy : the core principle is you take time for you, not your cute wife, not your cute children, not your cute pet, but for you.
In our current society, this time will be seen from outside as a waste of time : you don't produce anything, you don't get money for it, you're not seeing the latest episode of a drama or an anime, you're not following someone on Insta. But is it really a waste of time?
Yesterday was quite a long day, plagued with rain that finally stopped in the evening. My sister-in-law has bought an apartment, and she just received the keys. They are planning on renovating it and the renovation plans and check-up was set to yesterday. My wife and I went there to see how it looks, as well as the parents of my wife. Her dad has his own business in electrical work in houses, so he knows a bit about how these things work.
I had to go to attend at the Yamato university a practice exam for the JLPT. The real exam is in 2 weeks. I think I'm ready for the things I've been studying, and I noticed I need to study grammar more.
After the exam, I went to a small bar with only a counter, that can only hold a few people. I used to go there when I wanted to drink some "Ricard", a liquor originated from France, with a very strong taste of anise. It's a like or hate thing. I have decided to stop drinking alcohol, but I liked going there talking to the owner of the place. Coincidences make that he lives in the same neighborhood as me now since I've moved to live with my wife.
I went to get a haircut after that. The last time was before our wedding, and this time the reason is that tomorrow, a photographer will come to our office to take profile pictures for us : as we are all going to need to search for a new job, he nicely proposed his services for a very cheap price. This world being as it is, a good presentation is essential, so your looks are important, whether you like it or not.
I got my hair cut by a friend, who has been doing this job for 20 years, as an auto entrepreneur. As we talked about my situation, how I was envisaging to try a building something from my own hand, he told me he decided to go solo despite the fact his first child was just one years old. When you don't have the choice, you usually takes the paths that lead to the right direction. Is there some mysterious strength behind it? Well I think everyone has it inside them, we just need to understand we have it and make good use of your time. He also mentioned, regarding children, that you get to become a father naturally when having your child born. And that they teach you at least as much as you try teaching them. I like this statement a lot.
I was quite thankful for the time we talked while getting a nice hair cut for the photo shooting. And on my way to see another friend owning his own bar not that far from there, I passed before a blood donation center. I've never donated my blood, and have always thought of doing it, so this time I wen to talk to the guy standing in front of the center, trying to appeal for it. Unfortunately, some rules stopped me from being able to donate my blood. I'm French, and have been living in France until my early 30s. There is a rule for donating blood for foreigners, depending on the country if there was an illness or some disease at a particular time. There was the BSE, Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy when I was in France, and this prevents me from donating my blood.
When I reached the bar of my friend, he was alone eating some cup noodles. It was the 3rd year anniversary the day before, and had lost his voice, certainly having drank too much and talked with many people. Anyway, as usual, he was very friendly, and as the only customer, we had plenty of time to discuss personal matters - losing my job and the events that led to my present state of mind.
By talking with him, I got some hope back, in a way : my wish is to have everyone grasp the idea that we own the key to our own happiness, basically. Some don't know there is a key, some know but aren't able to reach the door. He seems to have, by his experiences, and also by having reflected on a lot of people's stories, just like a psychotherapist, succeeded in catching the key and opened the door. He certainly had a lot going on in his life, but for him, talking with so many people from different horizons was surely a way to indulge humbleness in him. Of course, all bartenders don't take it this way, and most of them, as the rest of the world, are just doing their job.
For some others, it will be the expression of their art that will help them reach the door. There is no magic recipe that works for everyone. It is a strictly individual problem that can be solved only by oneself. Help can be provided, of course, but it can only reach so far : the last steps to the door will need to be taken with your own feet.

June 23

I've started a dream diary. When I wrote today, I know we all know that, but dreams are so weird, right? How things get mixed up and intertwined when there is no logic or reason that they would is wonderful. I'm still not sure if they are related, as some people suggest, to our subconscious, or if those are just a manifestation of our brain, free to engage in its own creativity without us participating or messing up - by getting stimuli from our environment or surroundings.

June 22

Every two weeks on Saturdays, at the sport center where I go to learn how to swim, you can play badminton or table tennis for almost 2 hours for 200 yen. Lately, instead of going to the pool, we've been using it. Today, we played some badminton. It's nice to be able to play indoor, without wind or harsh sunlight, with a proper net and lines for the court.
This morning, we had a discussion about taxes with my wife. The government in Japan is continuously increasing the taxes here - yet no real beneficial impact - and is offering donations to Ukraine. She underlined the irony of the situation : the japanese government seems to be one of the most paid governments worldwide. The taxes are being increased to absurd levels, yet the quality of life hasn't changed much. On top of that, for the municipal insurance, there are exemptions of payment for some minorities - vietnamese immigrants just have to pay 1% of the insurance, and their family, even if not living in Japan, get the benefits of the insurance. On the social medias, voices are rising regarding this situation. Some argue that it is too difficult to pay the taxes now, some others that it becomes impossible to raise a child.
I'm in the middle of watching a podcast of Andrew Huberman interviewing Dr. James Hollis : the discussion is purpose of life, meditation and psychotherapy. The term "shadow" is employed in the discussion, and refers to some states that cover the true self of an entity - if I recall correctly. A group of individuals assembled for a common purpose is a shadow, an even larger group - a city or a country - is another shadow. We also have of course our own shadows, which are cast upon us when having biases or self created ideologies. Japan, as a country with limited immigration, has a strong shadow regarding the foreigners. And when my wife talked about how their government is helping foreign countries in war or immigrants here, when they could use the money for the japanese people, this is a shadow expressing itself. Not only against the foreigners, but also a bias because the raised question is : why are they not helping me and instead other people?
I'm still thinking on my project and how to progress on it. This tax discussion made me come up with the image of a labyrinth to the awakening state. To be honest, I don't know if I have woken up, not perfectly at least. But I feel I'm there. And I haven't really looked for it, it just happened after another fight with my wife a few months ago.
I've been struggling with inner unresolved issues since a long time - how long I cannot even tell, when thinking about it, since when? Maybe the better question is not when it started, but when do we grasp that it is. My theory is the following : as soon as we get our conscience up, which differs for everyone but should be around early childhood, the access to this awaken state gets closed - it was open since we were born. And, if using the shadow image in a different way, any experience we get since the access gets closed creates a new fork that diverges from it. So on and on. Some of these forks or paths can merge with other experiences, some might get totally blocked, but might reopen again. These are all own experiences, so in the end, a labyrinth is created, with at the starting point, ourselves, now, and the access to the awaken state as the goal to it.
The more you're near this goal, the more it gets easier to go for it, as you get more clues on how to access it - when in a tunnel, when you begin to see light at a distance you know you gets closer to the exit, right?.
Some people may never notice this light, and may still live a joyful life with plenty of accomplishments. Some people may see a bit of that light, but may also ignore it, as it would be difficult to accept : going for the path is hard and complicated, some sacrifices might be needed (regarding to the standards of this world, in other words money), or time might be needed - and no one wants to take the time for it.
This is also why, while some external support can be provided to get closer to the light, everyone creates a different labyrinth, based on their cumulated experiences : traumas in childhood might creates a fork that go in the total opposite direction to that light, hence making it near impossible to reach without care, help or advice. Some other events, love a parent or sibling, or the support of good friends can create a turn a bit in the direction of the exit again, but still not in sight.
That theory also explains why some really tragic events, or unusual experiences - a lot of the time bad - can make us realize the path taken now seems incorrect, and teleport us back in a part of our labyrinth closer to the exit : we suddenly understand that because of what we did, or what happened, the path we are on now is leading to nowhere but more darkness. Hopefully, some paths can be skipped, jumped, there are waypoints in there, so we can, willingly or unwillingly, get back to a path not leading to the light.
Another thing is that we need to know we have an exit, we need to know we have this labyrinth, and we need to know that while it might be close sometimes, it is a daily task to try reaching for it. While it may become easier to reach the exit when having been close to it, new events might again push us a few steps back. And if we don't notice it, this may lead us to again choose the path not leading to the exit.

June 21

15.3%
Today is the first day of Summer. Yet this morning rain was pouring and I decided to replace my usual run session by a home bicycle one. We talked until a bit late yesterday with my wife, and I must confess I was a bit sleepy before lunch, so now as I'm writing, after lunch break, I might get sleepy again..
Our discussion revolved around documents she received to pay : nenkin which is your cotisation for the retirement program, the municipal tax and the municipal insurance. The amount to pay is proportional to your income, but the tricky part is the following. For nenkin, you don't have much of a choice than to pay. So no discussion on that. For the tax, if you don't work at all, you don't have to pay it, and if you work, it's calculated in ratio to your income. For the insurance, there are 2 things. When you are a full-time employee, the company covers for half of the social insurance, and the other half is substracted from your income. But when you are not a full-time employee and if you're not attached to your company social insurance, you need to adhere to the municipal one. Which cost is calculated on your last year's income.
Another thing to take in consideration is for married couples : if one of the partners is a full-time employee, there is the possibility for the other one to be attached to the full-time employee company social insurance (you get most of the benefits of it for no additional costs). But here is the trick : you need a job with yearly incomes inferior to 1.300.000 yen, you are exempted to pay the municipal insurance and get attached to your partner. You also can be attached for the taxes if your salary is inferior to 2.010.000 yen. So if you work a bit too much, and you get over these thresholds, you will need to pay, so the best decision is to work less. Or to become a full-time employee.
It reminds me of the situation in France, when it can be more beneficial to not work and get the minimum wages provided by the country than to actually work, because : you will have to pay taxes that you don't have to if doing nothing, leading you to a bad ratio of work/income.
This doesn't make any sense, but the situation is like this.

June 20

I'm still struggling to find an appropriate name for my project. I would like it to be simple and easily understandable at a first glance, while still holding the meaning of it... Not easy at all.
I'm getting also concerned that the goal I'm aiming for is unreachable. I'm asking people around me on how they use their time, how they see our society, how they would like to balance work and private lives. Most of them wouldn't want their world to change. Or they believe that human nature in its core lead to this current society, and thus it is an utopia to want to change it.
We had a long discussion with my previous manager. I've always liked him because what he says makes sense, and he also genuinely care for people. We discuss our office in Japan being closed, how it was sad but still understood from a business perspective. Regarding the business, he recalled in first days in the company 30 years ago, with old machines that took minutes to run programs. He would be glad to be able to take a glance at the future, 10 years from now, so he could see how AI has transformed our society. We will have robots, doing jobs harsh for the humans, we might solve the environment issues, food issues, etc... We agreed that humans need to be wise regarding the development of the AI, as it could go wrong as well.
He also talked about a law in the Netherlands, 80% 90% 100% which is a fantastic rule : for 80% of the work (so 4 days instead of 5), you get paid 90% of your salary, but get 100% of your pension. It seems most companies are willing to use this rule, so it creates a better work environment for everyone.
One of my goal is to have people take less time at work, and more on their own development, personally or with their loved ones. This is a perfect example of what humans should go for. But mentalities need to change for that to happen, worldwide. In particular in Japan, where the lifestyle has, for decades now, been work oriented, to the extreme. Worldwide now, the Japanese way of working is renown. And for the bad parts of it as well. The term Karoshi has made news in the NY Times in the US, the BBC in the UK or le Monde in France.
Whatever the matter, extremes are always a bad thing : too little to eat and you lose muscles, fat and get sick, too much and you get cardio vascular diseases or other fat related illnesses. Too little exercise and you lose stamina, motivation and self confidence, too much and you get overly tired and prone to injuries. Too little money, and you cannot afford the minimum to live, having a roof to sleep under and food to eat, too much and you get cut out from reality of other human beings.
A healthy work balance will create more time for everyone, that if used for self development, more exercise, meditation or time spent with loved ones, can only be seem as beneficial.
My manager said my idea was merely an utopia.
I still believe it isn't, and that maybe the advance of AI may lead to us to having more time for ourselves, as the AI would take care of the repetitive, time consuming and to be honest unnecessary tasks. More time for us to develop ourselves, to try things we wouldn't because of the lack of time, renew with some passions we might had in the past.
I still believe that humans aren't born with the will to be bad. The surrounding environment or society is creating, for some individuals predisposed with genetic conditions - making them vulnerable to doctrines, addictions or beliefs - the few percent of individuals responsible for the most dramatic reported issues. Our society is a vicious circle. My manager said our current system isn't that bad, as he thinks we live better than before. I don't agree with it, but I do believe that AI, if used correctly, can create a better world for everyone without exception.
But for everyone to profit from this, we need to be ready, in our mentalities. Else, like until now, some few individuals will continue to reign over the world, and with the new possibilities offered by the AI, if these individuals have bad intentions, can lead to a period of trouble yet unseen for humans.

June 19

15.9%
Yesterday was maybe the last live online meeting of our company. It might sound like boasting a bit, but I was praised for my work, as they feel in confidence when I'm here doing the support. This support isn't actually in my field of work, but I just understand how it works enough to provide it. I realized that people are often amazed or intrigued by things that feel normal or easy to others. It's natural. Everyone has his niche or domain of expertise, and at one point we don't realize that what we do might impress someone totally unfamiliar with the field.
My wife also got praised at lunch by her bosses. She has been working for a few weeks now for a small company which provides support for foreigners, mainly Chinese, to successfully get their visa application accepted. She has been struggling with her work, feeling she wasn't good enough and that everyone in the company were amazing, skilled, etc... Maybe she was putting too much pressure on herself.
Comparatively to her previous job where she was working for a real estate small company, the general atmosphere at work is radically different : before, she had to hear again and again the sales people uttering blasphemy words to the potential clients - which is quite laughable in a sad way -, or look at them reading mangas or just surfing the net as they weren't really working. They were also all friends - the boss included -, so it was near impossible for the situation to change for the better. She endured this situation for a few years, wanted to leave her job a few times, and finally did it a few months ago.
Now, the people she works with seem to all be nice people, educated, and most of them are foreigners living in Japan (her previous colleagues were all Japanese!). Sometimes, I feel ashamed, as a foreigner living in Japan, of the attitude or behavior of fellow foreigners, might they be living or just visiting for a bit. The difference in culture, and the fact that usually, when travelling, we focus on what we want to visit, where we want to go or eat, but there is generally not much research on the culture of the country and the manners that prevail there. Which is a pity, as for the locals, they can have an aversion for them, which, even if I'm not Japanese myself, feels when I happen to see a situation where the tourists just overstep on the local traditions.

June 18

Today morning, the rain was pouring heavily, and at the time I'm writing now, it has finally stopped. The same day, in Central America, at least 13 people have died due to heavy rain, that caused devastating floods and mudslides. I realize that I merely talk a about the environment, when we should do it more as it touches everyone on this Earth, and will have only more growing impact with years passing. We may and are going to be safe even when we will be elderly, but the few generations to come, meaning our children or grandchildren, if things continue like this, may not be as lucky as us.
But to simply put about my own experiences with the environment, and how it has changed since I was younger. My first experience of very harsh heat in Summer was in 2003. I recall my mom having a very harsh time during the event : in France it's very common to not have air conditionner at home. We had only one electric fan, and even if we had an air conditioner, I guess my dad would be against using it, because it costs money. (in fact, air conditioning isn't very climate friendly, so in a way he might have been right without knowing it). But when I think about it, it may have been pretty difficult for her because of her menopause. She was born in 1952, so at that time she was 51, and the menopause occurs roughly between 45 and 55 years old. To be honest, we never spoke about this kind of subjects (sex, menstruations, etc..). It's another subject to discuss, but in some families, some subjects are whether taboo, or whether so hard to address that they hardly get spoke of. If we are not taught or told, and if for whatever reason we don't have interest of been in touch with some topics, we can live our own life without knowing anything about that. It was the case for me, regarding menstruations or menopause, besides what we can learn at school. But learning at school is often very different from the reality. (take for example languages).
Anyway, in 2003 in France was the hottest summer in 150 years, causing around 15000 deaths in France. Our society is the cause of the environment issues. There is no arguing to that. And overconsumption is one of the root cause. Now that I mention it, I know why I focus more on our current society's overconsumption issues rather than the environment : I believe we should act on the causes roots and origins of an issue, rather than correcting things that go wrong because of them. We might find a way to resolve the environment issue, but the core issue, which is that most of people are rotten to the core and they whether don't know it, don't understand it, or know it and don't do anything about it. To act for the environment requires a quite radical change of mindset regarding how we consume things and how we consider our needs for things. The same issue will be raised with the dominance of AI in a very near future.
We humans prefer to go for the easy solution, yet solving nothing at all : pills for diet to lose weight, searching for hacks or tips so we don't need to learn ourselves, taking the car rather than walking for a few minutes, which if asked is to gain time, which is true, but to be able to consume even more, which is the sad part.
We don't take the time to do anything anymore. And I admit I don't as well. But I feel bad now when I do it, and I'm trying to force myself to not do it anymore. As for yesterday's discussion following, habits that have been set for years or decades will take a long time to be broken, and I'd say "if" broken. You will need to do the first steps to want to change. And I'm pretty sure we will "need" to change in order to enter the new AI reign in a non passive way, meaning being even more controlled by our system, which the 1% hypocrites controlling the system now will soon not have full control on.
Rumors go that Open AI is going to change its status from a non-profit organization to a "regular" one, meaning they will soon on the stock market. The recent incident of the new Sky voice and the actress Scarlet Johansson is in my opinion a clear proof that those rumors are true.
We are in a society of more and wanting for more, and needing for more : more money, more control, more power, when there is no need for more anymore. I believe the creation of AI could be a way to help our civilization aim for greater heights ; if we are, as human beings, prepared for it, meaning if we are already thriving for our best selves. The ones doing that will be able to profit from the new tool. The ones who don't will be, along with the mass, just another pawn ruled by the King AI.
We are at a point where AI will flip the balance, and that we won't be able to recover to before the flip. How you live through it will only depend on you, your habits and lifestyle.

June 17

Yesterday we visited some apartments and houses. My wife would like to be able to decorate her home as she likes, and it means owning the space we live in. As for the discussion regarding our job, the place we choose will have great impacts on our future : the world we live now implies that, for most people on this earth, if you want to buy a house, you have to get a loan for 35 or more years : pressure to be able to pay every month, which means pressure to find a job to be able to pay it. While the direct effects are obviously different, it's an investment that in term of duration is similar to taking he decision to have a child. For the child, it becomes a lifelong decision, but a 35 years loan isn't far from that.
For a child, the biological clock set us a deadline, that cannot be evaded. It is literally a now or never decision. For the house, while living as soon as possible in the place we choose and want to live it is understandable, if done a bit later is still possible.
Yesterday, we encountered a sales person for a mobile company, who wanted to sell his product to us. I never liked the sales attitude and world : selling you a product you don't necessarily need. And my late thinking regarding our society didn't help at all.
The first move of these sales persons is to offer you some free stuff, tissues or a pamphlet, so that, even if it's some crap, you feel you need to give something back to them. That's the common overture of the sales person parade. Then, they try to get a bit of your time, by saying it won't take long, a few minutes, and of course, generally, we can have a few minutes to spare. Then, they talk in a way that make you adhere to their talking, by making you say "yes" to some questions : saying "yes" to some questions will trick your mind to say "no" later on, you've said "yes" to some irrelevant things a few times in the discussion. Basically, those are just techniques and skills, that eventually make you purchase, at a price, something you don't need, or maybe something that, if having taking the time properly, would be different in the end, be it the brand, the type, etc...
And of course, when asking if I could just get some pamphlet so we can check that later, the offer was this day only. So he just uses all the tools in a few minutes of the typical sales, and that kind of got on my nerves quickly.
I didn't do my regular daily meditation this day (I do a quick one every morning, but I do longer ones in the afternoon when I get the chance), and after I wasn't able to keep my cool at all, I realized I have a long time before I can react the way I envision, meaning calm even in stressful events, or more cheerful when some joyful events (in particular with my wife, who is always cheerful). We cannot change in one day, it will take months or maybe years, to override bad habits created for more than decades. Personally, the years I spent without being able to overcome the grief of my mother impacted, and is still impacted my emotions now. The fact I so quickly snapped with this sales person is not only the result of my emotions on that day. It is the result of all my bad habits in a decade, that radically modified my mind at the core.
But the difference now, than before, and this difference is huge, is that I know that now. And we can change. For some people, we need to change. To get better habits, so that you are able to smile at the sales person while calmly refusing his offer.
As I'm on the sales topics, the husband of my wife's sister is working as a sales person. He is a very nice person but maybe I don't want to see him when he is at work lol. Anyway, the last time we had lunch with him, he was talking about the fact that, as a sales person, he had the obligation to participate to dinners or parties outside work hours, whether to thank a client, or create new sales opportunities, etc... It isn't uncommon in France, but in Japan, the culture is a bit different. It becomes a true obligation to participate. You also have to drink alcohol, and there is this hierarchy rule which can creates the situation very difficult for new hires or people in the lower ranks. While the situation seems to have evolved a bit, and is more relaxed than a few years ago, these "nomikai" as they are called in Japan, translated literally as "drinking rassemblement" are still very common. You are forced to drink as long as client or your boss wants to drink. Meaning you have to empty your glasses with them, and drink at least as much as them. I'll discuss the alcohol topic another day I think, but that is ridiculous, unhealthy and is just a way to boast the ego of some old geezers. (one big inhale by the nose, another one, and a long exhale... Let's calm down lol).
Anyway, my brother in law had another one of those nomikai, and texted her wife he didn't want to go and just wanted to go home. But rules are rules, and he went. They just bought a mansion, and paid for a renovation of it as well, so to come back to my initial talk about houses and loans, they have to pay the loan every month now. They are newly weds as well, so I guess they think about having children. This will add uncertainty and stress to their life. Of course, it will give them the pleasure to decorate their own house, live in the place they own, and when they have children, enjoy the time spent with their cute little baby. But as mentioned earlier, you cannot go back, well if you want to do things well at least.
I do hope things go well for them, as they are nice and deserve to be happy. To relativize things a bunch, their situation is typical not only in Japan, but worldwide now. The system is created so that most people won't be able to go out of it, can't go out of it or in cases don't want to go out of it. And a few privileged pricks control this system and abuse of it. (yes, I know, calm down.. lol) I need to meditate more.

June 16

When we had our last fight, I asked my wife to try reading my daily blog so that she might understand better how I think and feel. While I don't plan on hiding anything here, as I do know that she read it now, I still need to take her point of view in mind when writing now.
Yesterday, I was having difficulties keeping my calm as, when we are both at home, we are in the same room, when working or studying. I understand the fact that everyone has its habits regarding to light, sound, etc... Sometimes you want no sound at all, sometimes some calm background music, sometimes you just want to listen to songs that inspire you, sometimes you might want to sing, etc...
As we both want to try working mostly from home, we need to find a way so we don't step on each others.. Lately, and it's natural, when we're both at home, as it feels like "holiday", my efficiency on study and work on my project has decreased a lot : I tended to do longer naps. We all need some time to be able to focus when doing some work : we cannot instantly be 100% focused on something, and having this focus broken resets this procedure.
I do understand and pity (in some way) the parents of young children. The children, often, need and crave for attention, whatever the place or time. They don't care about the societal rules, or that their parents might be busy doing something else. It is now, here or never.
And in fact, they are right. They live the present as we should all do, and they are children, who should receive proper attention and care.
So I need to relax more, and if my work or study is interrupted, to fully commit to what interrupted me. We all don't like when the one you're talking to isn't listening or listening halfway. I do that a lot and need to work on it.

June 15

Today we took some measurements as my wife is willing to try my "program" to a better and healthier life. The program consists basically at creating good habits, regarding sleep, exercise, meditation and nutrition, the latest, while essential, is so case by case that it is difficult to address, but some rules, as habits are valid for everyone.
My wife read yesterday's daily blog, and thought my story was funny. It might be the translation to japanese that made it awkward, but she says I have a way to speak or use words which is funny and entertaining.
I did think that those kind of stories, of lived experiences, can be used to emphasize or talk about subjects we would need some knowledge about. As I'm living as a foreigner in Japan, I thought of some tips on things to do or not do here, some differences in the culture that creates some gaps or topics to talk, etc...

June 14

15.4%
Still a bit more to go!
I found the reason of the issue at work, so I'm quite relieved. We just need to find a solution to it now.
My wife is considering trying my program for healthiness after she resigned from her temporary job. The work doesn't seem to fit her, and stresses her more than should be, and impacts the other days in a bad way : less motivation or energy.
She thinks of trying to work on an Instagram regarding house decorations, houseware and some DIY. She seems to really be into it, so I hope all things go well for her. I'll try to support as much as I can.
I plan on beginning my blog as well. Just need to choose the laptop I'll be working on, and then start. Will do that today if possible.
We starting watching a movie on wife'S turn to choose, an animation movie called Suzume no Tojimari, literally Door closing Suzume. I got sleepy in the middle of it so we stopped watching to go to bed, but it is a road movie of a high school girl who accidently meets an university student whose job is to close gates, from which some evil energy slips and creates earthquakes in its wake. This evil energy cannot be seen by regular humans, and for whatever reason, which will be disclosed near the end of the movie I guess, the girl is able to see it.
It has been a while but I got some sleep paralysis yesterday when going to sleep. My wife near me could wake me up the 2 times it occurred so I broke from it kind of fast, but it still is not a sensation I would recommend to anyone. Yesterday was kind of hot, and we decided to use the air conditionner a bit late maybe. We both were exhausted by the heat. Yesterday, I also went cycling and it was a very hot sunny day, so my arms were also a bit red from the sunlight. Both these reasons made me quite tired, and sleep paralysis frequently occurs during tired states.
Maybe talking about sleep paralysis can be a topic in the blog. I recall that when it first happened to me, I should have been around 22 years old, a student at the university, learning japanese language. At that time, I did use to smoke, and with a good friend of mine, also pot. I do know that smoking weed increases the risks of sleep paralysis, but I had never heard of it before. I did know that around the 20s, symptoms of mental illness start to appear.
My sleep paralysis experience made me see Sadako, from the movie "Ring". I can recall the scene even now as it was at that time. You might want to argue that it was all imagination, but how frightening your brain can make you see things.
Let me describe you the first time I saw her. (Yes, I saw her twice actually...)
But before that, for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, it's a japanese horror movie based a a novel written by Koji Suzuki, which involves an urban legend regarding a mysterious cursed tape, that is said to, after being watched, lead to a phone call and the death of the one watching the tape 7 days later. Sadako had some psychic powers, and was eventually killed, her hatred eventually reaching a video tape, and cursing anyone watching it. She has long black hair covering her face, a white blouse, and has a stare that is the killing move! She also have long unkempt nails, as she was thrown into a well before dying in there.
So to go back to my story, I got home from having fun with my friend at his home, smoking pot and playing video games. It was around 4 PM, I said "hi" to my mom who was in the kitchen near the entrance of hour apartment, in Paris. I was so exhausted, from lack of sleep and the pot, that I went straight to my room, and lied to get some rest. My room was a bit small, sufficient enough to have room for a single bed, and a small desk besides it. The bed was oriented so that when I was sleeping, I could see the door, which I usually didn't close.
So I lie down, close my eyes, and if you have ever been so tired that even sleeping gets difficult, you know how tired I was. And here it started, my eyes opened, and at first I was looking at the ceiling of my room - I was sleeping on my back. It was my first time experiencing sleep paralysis, so what was happening to me was new and disturbing, even now to be honest : as my eyes were open, I thought to myself that I was awake, so usually when you wake up from sleep, you move up to get out of bed. But this wasn't possible, for whatever reason, I could move only my eyes. So with the only movements I could do, I tried looking at my right, where was the wall near my bed, I looked my hands, laying just beneath my body, not moving at all, even when trying hard to move them, my legs and feet, which wouldn't move an inch either, and I finally looked in direction to the door...
And there she was, standing right under the threshold of the door. With her stare. Just like I saw her in the movie, which I had watched a few years prior the incident. But exactly as, not remembered her, vaguely, but as real as you would see someone, when awaken up, 1 meter away from you. And this was the distance separating us. Now it's a bit easier to laugh about it, but when I saw her, I could literally feel my heart stop for a while, from the fright, and I could understand what the people who died in the movie felt when she appeared. I couldn't stare at anything else than her. Time perception got distorted, it felt that we did a staring competition for dozen of minutes.. I finally thought of something : if I was to look somewhere else, would she still be here when I look back to the door?
I get it can be thought as a defensive mechanism, that when you see a threat, you keep the threat in visual so you know what could happen. But in that case, I dreaded this mechanism. So I finally succeeded at looking at the wall on my right. Hopefully, there was only the wall on the right. But in my mind, the threat was still there, a few steps from me, still watching me for sure, and it creates an even more frightening situation, to just feel some presence, or think there is, than actually see it. For whatever reason, it didn't occur to me to try closing my eyes. And when I write the words, I never think about trying to close my eyes. Can we be up to something here? Is there some mechanism that makes our eyes stay open. Anyway, I was even more panicked than before, and move my eyes back to the door.
And there she was, same place at the door. As I recall it now, it could have been even more scarier, she could have moved even closer to me, you know those very close closed up you see in movies - I hope I'm not creating even more scary sleep paralyses incidents for me when saying that..
So she was still there, staring at me, and I imagined she was staring at me all along. I finally begins to think about options : so okay, she is there. What can I do? As she is right up at the door, this path was simply impossible to take. I lived at the 3rd floor, so while it's not the best of the ideas, I could jump and maybe live if I was able to move, but I usually close the window, and I thought that the time to open it, to move the curtains as there were things near the window, making it not easy to reach, I would have been caught by her and killed.
So I kept looking at her, with despair slowly growing inside me. I don't know how long it lasted like that, but it felt like an eternity. At one point, as I couldn't endure it anymore, I just wanted it to end, whatever the means. I tried to call for my mom without success, and I finally gave up, just wanting one thing, for it to end, so in my thoughts, I was begging for her to just kill me.
And my upper body moved up, she wasn't there anymore. I was still profoundly shocked by this experience, and the first thing I wanted to do was get out of this room and go to my mom. Which I did. My mom didn't know that I was smoking weed, and I didn't know how much she knew about those, but to prevent doubts or inquiries, I didn't talk to her about what I saw. When thinking about it, why didn't I don't know. But I thought I was going crazy, and the fear of it or shame maybe made me not tell anyone, at first.
A few weeks pass without incidents, until another day, about the same hour, but on another bedroom. I used to use the small bedroom when my sister wasn't there, but when she was I would use another bedroom. The other bedroom is quite larger, with one single bed and one double bed, which was the old bed of my parents. I went back from the university, and decide to go for a quick nap, on the large bed. The configuration of the room made me be able to see the window, and the door on the opposite side of it so I couldn't see the door from my sleeping position.
I lie down, try to sleep. And my eyes open, again. My mind is quickly on the alert as I cannot move again, and I'm saying to myself, "oh no, not again". I started looking at the ceiling as last time, moved my vision to the left where the wall was, and when looking at the window...
She was there, a bit more far than last time, between my bed and the window.
Having experience helps immensely when having sleep paralysis experiences. And I would say not only for sleep paralysis, but for all things in general.
I was kind of upset with many things on that day, and her apparition, which frightened me, kind of made me even more upset. \ So my mindset quickly switched to "let's end this quickly", and I could broke from it quite fast.
It was the last time I saw her from my sleep paralysis. I don't know if I was scared to be getting crazy, but I didn't try to look for information that much. I think of myself as rational and think with logic first, so seeing Sadako just didn't make any sense. It was just all in my mind, I thought to myself that the movie had disturbed me more than I thought, and that those were merely very frightening nightmares. Or maybe I was going a bit crazy, but that time would tell.
Since then, I didn't have much sleep paralysis, so I kind of forgot a bit about it, though reminders of the movie or things related to this didn't make me comfortable at all. I did try to overcome this by looking at the movie again, actually. In broad daylight, with the sound not too high, and when some family members were in the house in case. This didn't change anything, the movie was still scary, but I could watch it, and didn't have other visions of her, so I thought I just had very bad nightmares.
Maybe a few years after my first sleep paralysis, we had a gathering of friends from the "Classes preparatoires", which are a course a bit more difficult than the standard university, to aim to enter elite engineering schools of France.
We had some drinks at a bar, and at some point, a good friend of mine mentioned something about a phenomenon that got my entire attention. For some people, when they go to sleep, they claim they could see ghosts. He himself had experienced sleep paralysis, but wasn't able to see anything and was a bit disappointed by it. Not yet revealing my experience, I asked him a bit more a bout it.
Sp he called it sleep paralysis, and he had done some searches on it. I did some research about it afterwards also, finally being relieved that I wasn't going crazy. I eventually shared my story and looked for details when back home.
It usually occurs for younger individuals, until the 30s or so. And it occurs in the the transition between wakefulness and sleep, during Rapid Eye Movement sleep (often called REM sleep), when dream occurs. During dreams, we get paralysis to prevent our body to do the actions in the dream. So during sleep paralysis, you get consciousness but your body is still paralyzed.

June 13

I've been quite busy with an issue at work that couldn't be resolved promptly.
We are still investigating ways to be able to work from home with my wife.

June 12

Every month we have a meeting for all the staff, and if the weather is good, as a bicycle company, we have a ride with the members that can participate. Today, the ride led us to the Itami airport, and we could the planes landing off a very near place. It was quite impressive to see such big planes flying right above us. They sure look bigger and scarier the nearer you get to them.
I had the opportunity to chat a bit with some members. As we are all going to be without work in a few months, everyone is a bit tense about the situation. But at the same time, everyone's reaction is different. One of the sales representative has already found his next job, some think that Tokyo would have more opportunities, but want to stay in the region, because of a loan or a bought mansion or house. Even with experience, some job offers still ask for a degree. And finding a new job when already a bit advanced in age isn't easy in our current society.
It is obvious, but the more responsibilities, be it a loan to pay or a family to support, the more the attachment to the society rules. You just don't have the luxury to go pass them.

June 11

Still reading the book from Dale Carnegie "How to win friends & influence people". For my project to work, people need to adhere to it at some point, so even if my intentions might be the purest, if there are no one using it the point is missed. I'm just at the middle of the book, so the rest of it might help clarify even more the path to take to make my project be reached by most people. They will need to find in it a means to make them feel important, genuinely. A login system, a RPG like immersion (a bit paradoxal to have to live your own character in a game, might be fun), personalized features are to be thought of.

June 10

16%
With my wife we both agree that working from home is a comfort we want to achieve, so we are thinking of solutions or means to be able to do so. If we can live comfortably with doings things we do like, and be able to spend more quality time, it's a win-win-win situation. Just saving time on transportation is at least 30 minutes to 2 or more hours a day! Time which usually can't be turned into hobby, study, time with loved ones. But nowadays, if taking the train or the bus, time spent on phones, which can be, if used in a restricted amount, can be thought as a hobby, but which usually is time spent to an unseen addiction.

June 9

It has been some time since our last fight, but we had another yesterday with my wife. Again, my words were badly chosen, and I need to think more of how she would feel when hearing these words. The language barrier doesn't help for sure, but the root cause is that we all have a need to grow, on the body side with exercise and training, on the cognitive side with studying and learning even as adults, on the social side, in relations with other people, and in spiritual side, on matters that connect all of us. And that starts with me. While I think I have made progress since I've started reflecting on things more, the fact that our discussion ultimately led to a fight is a proof of my mistakes and that I still need to learn. Which is good, because it confirms the need for us to always be learning.
The latter is the most difficult, even for me, to work on. While the biological merits of meditation are quite clear as the results of studies, most suggest those are not the goal of meditation. The "awakened" state is what to aim for. There doesn't seem to be any good or better way to attain that, which makes it more difficult for the type of person like me, with a tendency to try to search for the most efficient way to achieve a goal. That said, everyone, as humans (and maybe animals or other living beings) should be able to reach that awakened state. By thinking about it, aren't, on the contrary animals and life beings already in this awakened state? Aren't we, as beings with a more advanced cognitive skills, less prompt to attain this awakened state without effort? There is an expression in French, "abruti heureux", which can be translated as "happy fool". The expression is sarcastic and has a meaning of condescendence toward the person being described as such. But isn't the true meaning of that that cognitive skills and the fact that we have the ability to think are, whether slowing our progress if doing meditation, or plainly preventing us to reach the awakening.
Writers who have claimed to have reached the awakened state refer to it as something you just feel. You just know you are now awakened. But you still need to work on it to stay in that state, and not falling back, pulled under by your thinking.
"The Matrix" is one of my favorite movie. I watched it again with my wife very recently, and it hasn't aged badly at all. For sure, the visual effects cannot be compared to Avengers, but the movie was created even before the 2000s! But what makes it really good is the narrative of it. Of course, a lot of references are known to be that Neo is the savior. Regardless, all of us can attain the awakened state. But some of us won't like this, like Cypher who literally want to go back.
I believe there are different ways to interpret the awakening in the movie.
The first one, and the one described in the movie itself, is to awaken from our current society, of consumption, which eventually lead to the creation of an AI which threatened our own existence, and did to the slavery of human beings. We live in this kind of society now, and have been for some time now. When "The Matrix" was released, this was already the case, thus the theme of the movie. For sure, whether we like it or not, or whether we know it or not, we are living in this overconsumption society now. While I have the chance to live in a peaceful country, to have a roof, food, warm clothes and even the luxury to have hobbies, some on this planet don't, whether because of the political, economical or environmental situation of their country. In a peaceful country, we have the unique chance to be able to reflect on this society. It should become our duty. Greta Thunberg kind of started appearing from nowhere. Her young age and maybe naive speech were laughed at by the medias, comedians, etc... Why? Why are we making fun of people with greater goals. Why are we so stubborn and stuck in this mindless society, that, though all would agree the planet in term of environment, isn't doing well at all, harmed by our own hands, why are we still mocking people who highlight this fact, and raise their voice so that we finally wake up.
We are so selfish and self centered that we can't see the bigger picture. Usually, we cannot even think about our loved ones. We say we do, but no, we don't : we are thinking of ourselves only. But this is where lies the paradox in our lives. What are we supposed to do? If we understand that the society is like this, that it's not going well, and that we should act. How to do that? Acting alone won't have the impact we wish for. Using the tools of our society to reach the most people seem to be the only way, which becomes paradoxal : how to have everyone understand, for example, that SNS are not healthy? Well you need to post on them so everyone can see it. If you don't use those tools now, even if your message is the purest in the world, is the goal to achieve, your message will just be a drop of water in the ocean of ignorance.
The second one would be the awakening, on the "spiritual" way. I don't like this term, because it makes our mind connect to religious believes. Nevertheless, this awakening is not about understanding that our society is going bad, and that we should do something about it. I believe both awakening are necessary, and are a bit intertwined. If you don't take the time to calm down, to take time for yourself, not meaning it in the selfish way, but to reflect on your life, your actions, by meditating, you start to see the society has it is a bit more clearer as well. I like the image of how Neo is able to see the matrix when he becomes the One, so when he has awakened, again. Again is important here. To be able to awaken in the metaphysical way, it feels that you first need to awaken from the physical world, meaning grasping the facts about our current society, of consumption, addictions and unbalance. From there, we can start working on ourselves more. Nowadays, we don't have the time for anything, we say. We are overwhelmed with things to watch, to play, to buy, to do.. Which are all created by the society. I think that the progress of technologies is a good thing, don't get me wrong. Its usage, however, can be detrimental to us. And the latter decades just continue in that way, more and more, faster and faster. At the moment of me writing these lines, Generative AI has been more or less democratized worldwide, but the ultimate goal for now is the creation of General AI, meaning that the AI would be able to do cognitive things at least at the level of humans. Right now, even with only the generative AI, it seems we don't exactly know how they are functioning : we give results when asking for things, but the process itself seems unclear. And this is only generative AI, which, relative to General AI is ridiculously meager in term of possibilities. If at one point, robots are able to think better than us, the question is what differentiate them from us. Isn't it where mindfulness has its role, and should be aimed for, so that in the end, we are using them as a tool, as a means, and not overwhelmed by them.

June 8

I started to read the book "How to win friends & influence people" by Dale Carnegie. The 2nd chapter highlights the fact that to get anybody to do anything, you need to make that person want to do it.
Nowadays, it's so easy to get distracted by the immeasurable number of things to watch, games to play, objects we are made to think we need. So it's not even an option anymore to want to do things for yourself, which doesn't fit in the category of consumption.
To make changes, people need to want to change. It's the direction to go and seek.

June 7

16.0%
We had a talk with my wife about our near future, as the both of us are in kind of a grey zone regarding work. We both agree that we want to spend more time at home, but we still have our projects and dreams to create a family, live in our own house, etc...
For now, we agreed to test my "Life style" program as I would say, which consists of a compilation of the best practices I collected from different sources that made sense to me. A lot of them, and I would like to thank Andrew Huberman for his really brillant work, comes from his podcasts. When some random people just spread information without evidence, you have the rights, and should! be doubtful and careful. However, science backing ups protocols can be trusted.

June 6

A survey request was sent to all employees, asking questions about how we feel about the company, how we see the changes made, etc... As one of the employees of a site that is being closed for restructuration of the company, I realized, even though I know it's not the good way of thinking and that I should let go, that I do have a bitter feeling about the company.
I understand that this company is just yet another business in our consumption society. The irony and the issues this type of society has created has become quite ridiculous : we produce more food, more clothes, more of almost everything than needed, yet not everyone on this earth has the privilege to be able to eat, or use warm clothes...
This is just about profit, having more, and the saddest part of this is that only a few understand this system so well that they are screwing everyone in plain sight, and they are acclaimed for that!
My disgust for this world has been slowly increasing over the years, and I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say being laid off hasn't added fuel to my thinking. Yet, unfortunately, most of the people are plugged to this system, they don't even see it as an abuse, or they ignore it, the results are the same.
I still hope I can do something to change, even so slightly, the way we are living now. What makes me despair is I just don't know how.　
The fact is this world is as it is now. We have a few years to live in it. So we've got to make choices in this limited time. Do we want to just live in it, using the system as much as possible, regardless of the consequences, of other people, who might be suffering while we taste our caviar on a yacht. Or do we take the suffering path of living in parallel of this society, trying to do things ethically, even helping people, but having to worry about how we are going to pay the rent, the food, the clothes, for our family...
Just as in Matrix, if you're still in the system, you are one of them.
If making use of the system can make it crash, this is also a way to do it, maybe.

June 5

15.8%. The numbers seem to be correct actually. I guess I used the wrong profile when I had numbers that didn't make any sense. Still to persevere to attain my objective of getting under 14%.
A friend joined me doing some bouldering yesterday. We got to talk about various things, especially on the fact that human beings just prefer not doing so called efforts : even though they do understand that, take exercise for example, they should do it and would get healthier, in better shape, more attractive, etc.. they just don't.
However, some people manage to overcome this stillness, so isn't there something here to work on?

June 4

I'm thinking about writing some learning bouts that can be useful to anyone, on subjects that can lead to better health of lifestyle. By discussing it with my wife, I would like the authority to be listened to. It would be a bit like the imposter syndrome when creating a new business. But still, I believe that writing things that don't evolve potentially dangerous behaviors or spending money can't be harmful, and can actually be beneficial to a lot of people who just don't have the knowledge.

June 3

We watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" yesterday. We are trying to alternatively choose the movie to watch and this was my wife'S choice. It is a 1946 classic Christmas movie, which morale is that everyone is important. It seems it is inspired from "A Christmas Carol", with the same theme.

June 2

Why is it so difficult to keep focus on doing the good things : eating well, doing exercice, meditating, studying, taking care of others?
One of the main issue is the incalculable number of distractions at our disposal right away : your phone, some ads when on the Internet, television and all the on demand video services, games...
Are our lives supposed to be that blank that we need to distract ourselves that much? Or is there something else we are missing.
The bouldering gym I go to is on the same building as a Pachinko. A Pachinko can be considered as the equivalent of slots in a casino : you exchange money for some small iron balls, that can be used to play and serve as the reward as well. You insert the ball in a machine, and most of the time you lose, and rarely you win.
On Sundays, I go to the Bouldering gym when it opens, around 10AM. The Pachinko opens at the same hour. I'm always amazed at the number of people waiting for its opening.
I'm not in a good place to be judging on people in addictions, but as some food industries continue to poison us with food that damages our health, industries that create addictions willingly are also to blame. And the fact that, because it creates money, and thus taxes for governments, they are allowed, or I would say recommended, is beyond me.
I watched Matrix with my wife yesterday. Not sure how many times I've seen it, but it still is very watchable even now. She had seen it when she was quite young, so she didn't understood much of it at that time. Not that it is the movie the most profound that has ever existed, but it does raise some current questions : what place will AI have in the near future, are our actions correctly matched with what we ought to be a a species? The Agent Smith describes the human race as a virus for this planet : just expand while consuming the resources until they are depleted, then go to another location with resources, repeat. It can be viewed as an easy shortcut, but isn't it not far from the truth?
I'm trying to be positive, and to believe that as a whole, humans are good, that most of us, if possible, want to act so they don't cause harm or disturb. But reality may be that you just need a few "evil men" to just stain the whole race. And there will always be, so the circle will continue, until something with real consequences appears. AI might create this. And at the time signs of this change are revealed and felt by the populations, it might be too late for the unprepared.

June 1

Yesterday, I watched the movie "The Intern" which relates the story of a senior who gets employed as the intern of a new young lady entrepreneur. Despite all the cliche the movie includes, it does highlight the fact that older people are not enough sharing their knowledge, although they usually have the spare time to do so. Maybe something to keep in a corner of my mind. Youngsters would definitely benefit from learning from experienced people rather than just flicking to check the next Tik Tok video.