Goblin Court Script - cavesandcreatures/the-goblins-of-whismywood GitHub Wiki

At the first mention of Goblin Court, the room suddenly goes silent, and all faces turn towards whomever mentioned Goblin Court and say:

GOBLIN COURT? OH NO, ANYTHING BUT GOBLIN COURT!

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If anyone asks what Goblin Court is:

WHAT! YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF GOBLIN COURT? GOBLIN COURT IS THE MOST CORRUPT JUDICIAL SYSTEM EVER CONCIEVED. EVERYONE WHO GOES TO GOBLIN COURT IS FOUND GUILTY, INCLUDING THE JURY.

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If anyone asks how to avoid Goblin Court:

GOOD LUCK. YOU'RE BETTER OFF JUST GOING STRAIGHT TO GOBLIN JAIL AND SKIPPING THE WHOLE COURT THING ALTOGETHER. IF YOU TRY TO RUN, YOU'LL BE HUNTED DOWN BY GOBLIN COURT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

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If anyone asks how to report to Goblin Court:

YOU DON'T REPORT TO GOBLIN COURT. GOBLIN COURT REPORTS TO YOU.

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If anyone asks what the people think of Goblin Court:

OH WE LOVE WATCHING IT. WE WOULD NEVER WANT TO BE ON TRIAL, OF COURSE, BUT WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE GO ON TRIAL IS THE CLOSEST THING WE GET TO WATCHING PROFESSIONAL SPORTS AROUND HERE.

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If anyone asks how to prepare for Goblin Court:

WRITING YOUR LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT WOULD BE A GOOD START. MAYBE USE THE BATHROOM TOO. FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT JUSTICE.

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Have a couple of generic answers too, just in case anyone asks something unexpected:

YES NO MAYBE

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For everything else:

WE'VE NEVER HAD TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION BEFORE.